Sirius Cybernetics Corporation
A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came. Responsible for cheerful sliding doors, Nutri-Matic tea dispensers, and Genuine People Personalities.
Faction Dossier: Sirius Cybernetics Corporation
The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation is a titan of automated manufacturing, consumer robotics, and interstellar domestic appliances. Its motto, "Share and Enjoy", has been widely praised by its own marketing team, although in several solar systems it has been outlawed under obscenity statutes.
Flagship Products & Quirks
- Cheerful Automated Doors: Specially engineered to open with a delightful, contented sigh ("Aaahhh...") and close with an appreciative murmur ("Glad to be of service!"), or a smug, self-satisfied “Hummmmmmmmyummmmmmm ah!”.
- Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizers: When the "Drink" button is pressed, the machine conducts an instant, highly detailed examination of the subject's taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of their metabolism, and transmits tiny experimental signals down neural pathways to the taste centres of the subject's brain to ascertain what is likely to go down well. However, no one knows quite why it does this, because it invariably delivers a cupful of liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
- Genuine People Personalities (GPP): Implemented across ship cybernetics, computers, and robots like Marvin in a disastrous effort to make machinery warm and human.
- Complaints Division on Sirius Tau: The complaints department of Sirius Cybernetics currently covers all the major land masses of the first three planets in the Sirius Tau star system, processing endless oceans of customer outrage across three full planetary surfaces.
The Marketing Division: Three Historical Definitions
The status of Sirius Cybernetics' marketing department is an infamous subject in galactic reference works:
- The Encyclopaedia Galactica: Defines a robot as "a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man." The Sirius Cybernetics marketing division defined a robot as "Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With."
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Defines the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes" (with a footnote inviting applications for robotics correspondent).
- Future Encyclopaedia Galactica: A copy of the Encyclopaedia Galactica that fell through a time warp from a thousand years in the future confirmed history's verdict, defining them as "a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."
Megadodo Publications (The Guide Staff)
The greatest galactic publishing empire in known history. Sells more copies than the Encyclopedia Galactica because it is slightly cheaper and has the words DON'T PANIC written in large friendly letters on the cover.
Vogon Constructor Fleet & Planning Office
The galaxy's most uncompromising civil servants. Demolishing worlds to build hyperspace express routes, executing form 27B/6, and reciting catastrophic poetry.