Faction Dossier: The Vogon Constructor FleetCopy Anchor Link

The Vogon Constructor Fleet consists of several dozen colossal, chunky, yellow slablike Vogon Constructor Ships—each as huge as an office block—that hang in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. Commanded by Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council, their mandate is the execution of hyperspatial express route infrastructure with absolute bureaucratic detachment.

Operational Protocols & Planetary DemolitionCopy Anchor Link

• Fifty-Year Display Period: No star, planet, or asteroid is demolished without the planning charts and demolition orders having been on display at the local planning department (such as Alpha Centauri, four light-years from Earth) for fifty Earth years.
• The Greatest Public Address System Ever Built: Prior to energizing the demolition beams through the square black hatchways on the underside of each vessel, the fleet turns every hi-fi set, radio, television, cassette recorder, woofer, tweeter, mid-range driver, tin can, dustbin, window, car, wine glass, and sheet of rusty metal on the target planet into an acoustically perfect quadrophonic sounding board with distortion levels so low as to make a brave man weep.
• Two-Minute Clearance: Planetary vaporization takes slightly less than two Earth minutes—leaving behind a terrible ghastly silence, a terrible ghastly noise, and a terrible ghastly silence before the Constructor Fleet coasts away into the inky starry void.
• Guide Entry on Hitching a Lift: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy entry under Vogon Constructor Fleets states bluntly: "Here is what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: forget it." Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious, and callous, Vogons wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.
• The Dentrassi Catering Loophole & Obsolescence: Because the Vogons recently began employing Dentrassi cooks on their long-haul fleets—who love Vogon money but loathe Vogons and happily beam hitchhikers aboard to annoy them—travelers with an Electronic Thumb can now sneak aboard into the Dentrassi galley quarters. Ironically, immediately after demolishing Earth for a new hyperspatial express route, Captain Jeltz's bridge received an official release reporting that the unveiling of a new spaceship drive on Damogran (the Heart of Gold) would henceforth make all hyperspatial express routes unnecessary.
• Airlock Discipline & The Vogon Guard Corps: Shipboard instruments detect any unauthorized hitchhikers beamed aboard by the Dentrassi. Refusing to let a constructor ship be turned into a taxi service for "a load of degenerate freeloaders," Captain Jeltz dispatches search parties from the Vogon Guard Corps marching in steel-tipped boots and wearing uniforms with low-slung stun-ray holsters. Trained from their first day to bellow "Resistance is useless!" in hopes of eventual promotion to Senior Shouting Officer, the guards strap captives into Poetry Appreciation Chairs for readings of Captain Jeltz's poetry before clamping them under rubbery Vogon armpits and flinging them into number three airlock to be ejected into deep space. Following the demolition of Earth, Jeltz also cancelled all crew planet leave during the fleet's seventy-two-hour refit in dock at Barnard's Star on the grounds that he had just had an unhappy love affair and saw no reason why anybody else should have a good time.
• Heavy Plating: Yellow dreadnought hulls boast tremendous ballistic and kinetic durability ($+42%$ armor resistance).