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Where God Went Wrong

Part One of Oolon Colluphid's explosive trilogy of philosophical bestsellers. Analyzes the fundamental cosmic blunder of creating the Universe in the first place.

Galactic Publication: Where God Went Wrong

Where God Went Wrong cover

Where God Went Wrong is the sensational opening volume of philosopher and polemicist Oolon Colluphid's blockbuster philosophical trilogy. Released to universal outrage and immediate commercial success, it spent two hundred consecutive galactic weeks at the top of the Sub-Etha bestseller lists.

The Central Thesis

Colluphid opens his treatise with the premise that has resonated across billions of sentient species:

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

In either case, the beginning of the Universe has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

Key Arguments Examined

  • Initial Planning Deficits: Colluphid argues that embarking on creation without conducting preliminary feasibility studies or consulting environmental impact committees was irresponsible in the extreme.
  • Thermodynamic Inefficiency: Why did a presumably omnipotent intelligence make the vast majority of space freezing cold, unbreathable, and filled with hostile rocks, while allocating only tiny scattered specks for life?
  • Biological Blunders: An incisive analysis of the human spinal column, the digestive systems of swamp flollopers, and the completely unnecessary agony of biting one's own tongue while eating toast.

Commercial Reception

Despite formal condemnation from four hundred separate galactic theological societies, the book made Colluphid fabulously wealthy, allowing him to purchase an entire private continent and retire to write the sequel.

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